More Old Writings

     
Hey again. I just found this little thing in my post drafts. Another old writing of mine, which I never posted, probably because I thought it was cliche and annoying. But I'm trying to love all my phases of creation, so I decided to post it today. Hopefully you enjoy :)
               
  I want to visit lands unexplored and green, full of the magical scent of possibility. I want to wander through forests full of little hollows and hills, where you might spot something otherworldly at any second. I want new sights, sounds, smells, and tastes. I want to experience the world through the eyes of a wondering, innocent child, who has everything to learn and nothing to lose. I want to love til my heart has nothing left to give, and then find my strength in a heart of equal strength. I want to go to cities where people buy strange fruits and make spicy traditions around cozy tables. I want to transfer my soul into neat black letters on a white sheet of paper, so people can read them and fill their hearts with fire, and their stomachs with butterflies and their mind with blossoms of poetry. I want a love of life that is contagious and breathtaking. I learned that the word 'fernweh' means "a craving for travel, a homesickness for places you've never been." I guess that's me, and it's an awful ailment.
         

Inspiration--- A Ramble

Last year in March I felt like I was in a writing rut. I was searching for some inspiration, a way to get out and try new things with writing. So naturally, I did what any teenage girl in the twenty first century would, and went to Pinterest for answers. Pinterest came through for me when I saw an ad for something called the Writer's Roadmap. It was authored by a woman named Laura Davis and upon subscribing to it, you would receive weekly thought provoking writing prompts in your inbox. So I decided to give it a go and I subscribed. I did this weekly writing prompt for almost six months, and it ended up being such a cool and insightful experience! But when school started back up I became overwhelmed with my schedule and dropped the habit completely. So today I decided to read back on some of my old writings and I was amazed by what I read. Have you ever read something you wrote in the past and it felt just like you were being transported back to that time? It was just like that, but at the same time I was amazed by the deep insights that were able to come to me just by carving out the time to look deeply inside myself and write what I felt. So I decided I would share with you a few snippets of what I wrote for today's blog post :)

March 29, 2016--
"When we numb ourselves, we betray our inner truth. We betray that which is inside of us, that which bloomed from a seed of truth. Our emotions. Those messengers that are there to tell us something about ourselves. When we numb ourselves to emotions, we can also numb ourselves to conscience. And when that happens, we suddenly find ourselves in a world without morals.
As for forgetting, this too is a sin because when we forget the lessons we have learned from the past, we are bound to repeat our mistakes. And we will have gone through hell in vain because we did not learn from our experience there."

May 24, 2016--
"Recently, I wrote a personal manifesto, detailing my beliefs about all aspects of life....Something that I noticed with awe as I wrote this, was that my belief in a loving God who created the world and who is all powerful, touched every other aspect of belief. My belief in a universe that lives and breathes by the power of love is foundational to my life and makes me who I am.


And finally, on August 2, 2016 I wrote something that was a humongous inspiration to me today :)
"  I am living proof to myself that I can overcome fears. Making mistakes is such a part of life. If we didn’t make them, we would never learn, and I feel that my whole life has been a testament to that. I’ve made so many mistakes, and each one of them taught me something and made me stronger as a person. I wear my imperfections like jewels, and make my insecurities dance in the sunlight. No more will I hide. I will burst forth into the light, and I will show the world courage and dignity as I chase my dreams.
I am finally ready to stop being afraid. To embrace mistakes as they come and let them shape me to be better. I’m endlessly grateful for the things I have learned. I’m ready to move forward. This next chapter of life coming up will be a thrilling one. I’m teetering on the precipice of adulthood, treading the waters of independence. I’m getting ready to begin the unleashing of my potential on the world. It’s a very exciting prospect, and one that I am finally not shrinking from. I know I have the ability to change the world. I’ve always known it, but now I’m not letting my fears get in the way of the achievement of my goals. I feel that in this last month I’ve become a different person. The power of my thoughts, the action coiled within me, is ready to spring forth and make a change. No more will I fear mistakes, because mistakes are the keys that unlock each new version, new layer of an improved me."

This was kind of a scattered, random post, but I hope you took something away from it. There are two morals to this story: 1. Take the time to write! It is so valuable later on, and teaches you so much. 2. Sometimes when searching for inspiration, you need only look as far as yourself.
Thanks so much for reading!
Love,

Let Light Win

12 months ago I stumbled out of the hopelessly dark cavern that had been my home just in time to watch the sunrise.
The world was full of more light than I had ever thought possible. Purest gold and softest rose filled my horizon, and I learned a lesson. Grace makes life beautiful.

Today I'm standing in another kind of darkness. Softer, friendlier, it's whispering to me that I'll find the light again soon. And this time, I've been given a candle. I'm holding onto it tight, each day fighting not to let it go out so I can hold up it's soft, warm glow to the world. My candle is my gift, but whether I keep it burning or not is my choice.

I'm choosing to let the light win.

Introducing...My Rambles :)

   Hey there lovely person reading this! I am introducing what I guess you could call a new series on my blog. I'm calling it My Rambles, because that's just what they're going to be. Random little essays of my thoughts and opinions about things. I like the word ramble because it doesn't have to go anywhere in particular...it's just a little excursion departed on for the fun of it. And if I happen to find something amazing and worthwhile on my carefree little rambles, then it's all the more exciting! I want to write more about the adventures of my everyday life, as I've come to realize that my life is quite different from that of the average teenage girl, and I believe for good reason. Maybe I can share some of the reason I've taken my particular life path thus far on this blog. Soo, I guess I'll just get right into it.
  This January has a much different flavor than the last one did. The skies are foggy and grey, sobbing torrential tears over the ugliness of the world it looks down on. Looking out the window can be depressing if you do it too often, even for me, an avid lover of gloomy weather.
  I'm different this January than I was the last, too. I'm not quite the exuberant, ecstatic girl getting giddy over every cloud in the sky and icicle on the windowsill. But I'm coming into a wholeness, an awareness if you will, encompassing myself and the world around me. I am consciously choosing not to numb myself to things, but instead to pay attention to the messages the universe is sending my way. That might sound funny, but when I say the universe I really just mean God. They're synonymous for me. I believe that God is in every aspect of the world as we know it, and He can speak to us in so many more ways than just one. So I'm working to open myself to that.
   One way that I do this is with my daily yoga practice. I'm currently doing a 31 day yoga challenge that is enlightening in so many different ways. I love yoga because it's really the only form of exercise where you can take care of your body, mind and spirit in one take. It's a practice of wholeness, and it's teaching me to listen to my own body and the messages that it has to send to my spirit. Plus, it makes me feel amazing and healthy and empowered, so that's awesome :)
  I think it's so interesting how much we can learn about ourselves if we only open ourselves up to it. If we only take the time to listen. And to write. Writing down the things we learn always helps, especially when you go back and look at the things you've written later. I've learned so, so, much about me and just life in general from keeping a journal, and referring back to it often. Writing opens up my consciousness so much, and helps give definite shape to the thoughts and emotions that can often get confusing.
  This is a time of year where it can be easy to slip out of mindfulness. The weather is cold and depressing, a lot of the time our schedules are boring and mundane. But if we keep our minds and spirits awake and open, we can realize that life is so much fuller than just the experiences and thoughts we limit ourselves to.
  Hopefully some of the above makes sense. I've been working extra hard lately on mindfulness. I'm trying to slip into a new phase, one of higher meaning and in order to do that, I have to slow down and be more aware. These are some of the things that have helped me. I'd love it if you are reading this and would like to share your thoughts or ideas about anything I've written, if you would leave it in the comment section! I'd really like to start a conversation here on my blog and get some people giving me feedback. That would be beyond amazing, and would totally make my day and life :) Thanks for reading, and have a fantastic week!
 

First Post of 2017!!

    Another year has come and gone. It always amazes me how much changes in a year. I feel distinctly different and I know that I'm not the same girl that I was last January. I'm not quite sure what to think about the changes, both in the world and in myself, but I'm determined to make the best of what I am given and to do the most with the upcoming year that I possibly can. New Year's is my favorite time of year. I love the feeling of newness that permeates the air, the fresh resolve that people have to do and be better. I feel like a new year is a gift from God, to show us his love in the form of a fresh start.
  This will most likely be a very long post, as I have a lot of blogging to catch up on. I'm going to write about the month of December first, then I want to talk a little about my New Year's Resolutions, specifically for the blog.

    December Wrap Up:

    Favorite Part: Christmas with my lovely family. All the gifts we gave each other, both the sweet homemade ones and the other thoughtfully picked ones. This Christmas morning was probably our tamest one yet, as we are all getting older and more mature (although by some standards we probably weren't overly sedate), but we have just as much love in our hearts for each other as ever and that is what makes Christmas magical.
    Reading: I finished Far From the Madding Crowd. It was really, really good. A frustrating and pretty sad story, but beautifully written and with a lot of good lessons and a GOOD ending. So it meets all my requirements. Also my mom and I watched the movie right after I finished the book and it was also amazing and did not disappoint. I would recommend both :)
   Listening to: Oh, everything. Lots of Alice Kristiansen covers and Molly Kate Kestner's new single, which are my current favorites.
   Learning: Where I want the future to take me, and how to live intentionally towards what I want. I'm excited for this next year to unfold, I've got some big plans!
   Thinking about: The new year and all my resolutions and goals.
    Next month: Getting back into the swing of things with renewed vigor and committing to consistent hard work and listening to my heart.

2017 Resolutions:

First off, I have a list of my words for 2017. These are my mantras and what I am striving for this year:

• Mindful
• Motivated
• Focused
• Joyful
• Confident

I have these in a place where I'll see them often, and they are the standards I am constantly holding myself to. 

I also have a list of more practical resolutions, including but not limited to:

1. Become more organized and good at housekeeping in my own little bedroom and my bathroom.
2. Journal every day.
3. Pray about everything.
4. Have a nice long social media purge
5. Post on the blog more! And don't make silly commitments I can't keep on here.

My blogging goals are to post at least once a week. I want to post more of my thoughts and opinions in essay form, as well as poetry. I'm going to continue doing my monthly posts but will most likely be changing them up a little bit.
Thank you for reading and I hope you have the most wonderful of New Year's!
 

Poem #12: Somedays

 Somedays, I hide from my pain.
 Curling my body into the tiniest shape imaginable, and humming a song about love
 to keep the delicate threads holding me together from collapse.
 And somedays I run from my pain,
 breathless from the storm of stressful and the piles of work I'm racing to get through.
 But other days I need to feel my pain,
 like an ocean wave slamming against my bones, pure cold water breaking on my skin.
 I need to crash through the wall of my numbness, burn through the dullness of my aching heart,
 and let my tears fall like rain into the ocean.

Day 11: Swimming

 I'm trying to stay afloat,
 I'm working on not drowning,
 Tomorrow I'll stop and smell the roses, but today
 I'm focusing on swimming.