Saturday, December 17, 2016

Poem #12: Somedays


 Somedays, I hide from my pain.
 Curling my body into the tiniest shape imaginable, and humming a song about love
 to keep the delicate threads holding me together from collapse.
 And somedays I run from my pain,
 breathless from the storm of stressful and the piles of work I'm racing to get through.
 But other days I need to feel my pain,
 like an ocean wave slamming against my bones, pure cold water breaking on my skin.
 I need to crash through the wall of my numbness, burn through the dullness of my aching heart,
 and let my tears fall like rain into the ocean.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Day 11: Swimming


 I'm trying to stay afloat,
 I'm working on not drowning,
 Tomorrow I'll stop and smell the roses, but today
 I'm focusing on swimming.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Day 10: Window to the Soul


  Eyes are the window to the soul
  If you look into them you just might know,
  The pain of my heart, the hope in my chest,
  The words I am speaking won't pass the truth test,
  If you have the courage to just look inside,
  the things that you'll see won't be able to hide,
  but most won't take the chance to look that deep,
  afraid that discomfort will wake from it's sleep,
  something they don't have the knowledge to name,
  something that they think will be cause for shame.
  Why don't we reach out in love and in care?
  Why so much fear of the truth we don't share?

Friday, December 9, 2016

Day 9: The Puddle & the Ocean


 She looks into the waters, the surface cool and smooth
 a longing hits her heart to dive in,
 to be enveloped by waves of pure depth.

 Mystery of ocean, magic spell spun by the rippling surface,
 she is wildly in love with the idea of swimming.
 No hesitance precedes the dive, as she plummets headfirst into the cold and sweet embrace so  breathlessly hoped for.

 How could she have known how quickly she would hit rock bottom?
 Stunning reality jars her body as she lands.
 The water is only a few feet deep.

 She aches for depth, she breathes for the cold splash of authenticity.
 Turns out he was only a puddle, and she needed an ocean to keep her full

Day 8: How Rude


You once
lent me a laugh
then you stole my heart too
I didn't want you to take it
How rude.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Day 7: Demons


 Whispering distractions,
 threading doubt through my hair,
 ever so gently robbing me
 of peace of mind.

 As if by a subtle breeze my thoughts are pulled in a million different directions,
 before plummeting into the abyss called "I forgot what important means"

 Surface pictures and words,
 spinning the wheels uselessly in my brain,
 I jump to conclusions, but they offer nothing to hold on to
 and so I fall,
 back into the dark lap of my demons.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Day 6: Far Too Easily


 I've got a lonely heart
 that's bound to fall in love far too easily.
 Catching at the good in people like a prism catches rainbows from the light,
 and holding it tight as the world keeps turning.

 I've got an honest soul
 that doesn't understand the complexities and facades others use to hide
 and simply wants to knit itself with, and truly know another soul
 inside and out.

 I've got a dreamy mind
 that romanticizes situations
 seeing them with a golden pink skyline above when their reality is a bland horizon,
 imagining love like a pearl too deep in the ocean to find.

 But love is messy and sometimes hurtful,
 awkwardly beautiful in it's ugly and tenderly sweet in it's bitter.
 Love is a paradox of human experience,
 and some give up, saying the puzzle is too hard to put together.

 Not me. I've got a persistent spirit, determined to wait for a
 heart
         soul
                mind as loving and honest and dreamy and star dotted as mine
                          and when I do, then we'll figure out the puzzle together.
                 

Monday, December 5, 2016

Day 5: See the Light


Darkness swirls, hanging heavy in the air
your mind soaks it up when the light isn't there.
Bad news and nightmares leaping out of your speaker,
and just when you think things couldn't be bleaker,
it happens again as confusion fills your brain.
if only there was a way to find purpose in the pain.

But the world is full of light that most simply don't see,
there's sunshine through your window, there's blossoms on your tree,
there's the love of your mother when she does the little things,
and the freedom of a songbird as she glides on feathered wings.

There are two sides to every story, and which will you choose to see?
There's joy left to be had, and a new person to be,
simply open up your eyes, and you will find,
the secret to true happiness is found within your mind.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Day 4: A Prayer


 Humbly I ask for the courage to see what others will not, and to do something about it.
 I ask for the resolve to share my gifts with the world and the humility to give God credit for them.
 I ask for the vision to create greatness, and the hope to keep my creations full of goodness.
 I pray sincerely for the discernment to know when a friend is struggling, and what I can do to help.
 I pray that I might have the love to see the good in the souls of those around me, and the grace to  forgive where forgiveness is required.
 Let me strive each day to show love to myself by loving others, and to love God above all.
 With Him on my side, I want to help light the world.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Day 3: Hot Chocolate Hypnosis

 
 Rich and dark, streaming into cup after cup
 bubbles on the surface are cages, with baby rainbows trapped inside,
 I spray cream out of a can, light and fluffy as a cloud,
 The flecks fly out and cling to my shirt
 like stars forming patterns on a black night sky.


(this poem was written after I spent five hours making hot chocolate at work and I'm trying real hard not to fall asleep as I'm typing right now.... Hope your third of December was fabulous!)

Friday, December 2, 2016

Day #2: Girl on Fire


 She had a dream like a spark
 it left on her heart a smoldering mark,
 she was full of a burning desire
 to be on fire.

 She started to work, she started to pray,
 she ran towards her dream every day,
 each morning she looked toward the rising sun
 and started to run.

 Her speed grew greater, time blowing by,
 she wanted so badly to touch the sky,
 her soul was aflame, she was numb to the pain
 the heat kept her sane.

 The spark grew bigger, the smoke grew thicker,
 her hair was afire, the ends starting to flicker,
 the heat was rising as she rose to the sky,
 and started to fly.

 That dream bore her onward,
 she was above the trees,
 the world grew smaller as buildings scraped her knees,
 when the people looked up, all they could see
 was a flaming scarlet cloud
 and she was free.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

October & November

Heey! So I sort of forgot to make my October post. Whoops. By the time I realized I hadn't done it, it was like the middle of November anyway. So here is my recap from the last TWO months :)

Favorite part: Going to two beaches in two different states in one day on our family road trip.
Reading: Did I read anything? Wow if I haven't even finished a book in the last two months I'm pretty sure I'm questioning that I'm even still myself. Yikes. I am reading a book right now though! It's Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy and it's super good so far. I'll update you when I finish it. Oh gosh.
Listening to: For the most part, Sabrina Carpenter's EVOLution. Seriously good stuff. Also, Regina Spektor's new album is amazing, and so is a song that I just heard for the first time like two days ago. Go listen to Let me Love the Lonely by James Arthur.
Learning: Chemistry! And how to stay sane in stressful times of life and during emotional issues. I'm hanging on, and things are starting to look brighter so that's way awesome.
Thinking about: The future. And learning to see it in a hopeful light. The present. And learning to stay in it with joy.
Doing: Working, teaching drama classes, homework, college applying, crying from stress, etc.
Next month: Christmas!!! And also New Year's which is my favorite time of year of all the times of year. Soo pumped. But before that, finals and finishing up the semester, throwing Christmas parties and keeping a charitable Christmas spirit in my soul.
Goodness, life is good. I am what I call a serial goal maker and I have made a goal to post a poem everyday in December. Scroll down if you would like to see my first one, and have a lovely day.

December Poetry Challenge: A Year is a Miracle



Anger and bitter blackness, shocking when viewed from a distance,
was close and real and tangible as smoke..
trying to choke the truth planted in me.

Light creeps in as slow as sunrise,
a smile here and a wise word there,
thawing the winter in my soul,
starting a glow, almost too small to see.

Sunshine burst forth goldenly, a heart changed and healed
the pain of youth can clear like clouds from a grey sky
making room for beauty.

A year is a miracle, more transformational than you know.
each day brings change.
Slight as the opening of a rosebud.
and one day you'll discover, you have bloomed.