A Ramble on the Subject of Loneliness

            There are a lot of things I absolutely do not understand about humans. And one of those things, as a fellow human observing you all, is the deadly connotation of the word "alone" in so many of our hearts. So many people are afraid of being with themselves, and I find this a tragedy. Sure, learning to be with other people is a good thing, a necessary thing. But why is the thought of being alone so horrifying to so many?
           People are always moving, shifting constantly. Their lives are their own individual maps, charting out priorities and beliefs, all seen with that peculiar slant each person has. One day, somebody will decide there isn't room for you on their little map. I'm sure it's happened to you before. People change, and people leave. Which is why we must learn to love and understand ourselves FIRST, before chaining our soul to the friends we think we have.
         How can people say being lonely is so awful? How can anybody say my life is empty when I have my trees, firmly rooted into the ground and always there to greet me? When I have the ever-changing sky to love in all of it's moods? When I have the moon above me, gracefully changing phases like a lady slipping into different gowns? This world is a lovely place to be alive and to find yourself. And I promise that you can be found, perhaps in the heart of a sweetly budding rose or the calm quiet of a lake. There is a smiling Heavenly Father above who waits for you to make these discoveries, and to realize that you must put Him before any other person in your life. Because people have never been constants. They change, and you change, and that's part of life.
        The lesson I have learned is to treasure sweet memories you have with people, keep them close to your heart, and remember those times when you truly connected with another human. Because so often, those memories are all that we have. You never know when someone is going to leave your life, and so you keep the memories, and the old sweet love in your heart, and you gently let them go.
        Loneliness is an art that takes some getting used to. But when you have learned that art, being comfortable in your own skin, with your own tender sorrows and exquisite joys, then you have learned what it is to be happy, I truly believe.

The Month of March

       

      Favourite part: It most certainly is not a hard decision this month. My favorite part was definitely when I started rehearsals for my first play as a director. It was one of those experiences that is just like fitting a puzzle piece into the right spot. I found a place to belong. I love directing and I love my Shakespeare kids. They make my dark days brighter and they have such wonderful souls, yearning to find their purpose. I love being able to make a difference in their lives and use my talents to create something wonderful. #longrant

      reading: Anthem by Ayn Rand. Super fascinating, and fairly short read. It REALLY makes you think about the meaning of personal liberty and how important it is in our lives.

      listening to: STILL Aurora :) I have yet to find anything better and she has currently ruined me for almost any other music. So yeah.

     learning: that true joy comes from being where God wants you to be, and doing what He wants you to do. I think He has been speaking to me the past week and a half, telling me that my passion and love is where it is for a reason <3

     thinking about: This quote: "Anesthesia and amnesia are the two great sins of our culture. We forget and we go numb." Francis Weller. The more I have pondered on this, the more I have realized that it touches the very core of human nature and it's flaws, and it's FASCINATING.

     doing: homework and play rehearsals :) \

      next month: I turn seventeen years old. It's the usual feeling upon approaching a new age, a new chapter in the book of life. (yes, I just used that cheesy analogy). I'm a little hesitant, a little excited, and a little disbelieving. But soon, I will be a year older and hopefully a little wiser. 

I hope you had a great month and that your April is as beautiful as can be hoped for!

      

Grey

 the soft grey shadows cover the trees. the quiet dust settles on somber grey mountains. grey faces, grey rain, grey stones. i wonder where the sunset has gone, for all is grey. the color has slipped away-.  we cannot see that which we cannot feel. 

Grey. The color of sadness that has frozen over. the color of the clouds when they have cried out the last of their tears. the color of my eyes when I look in, in to their foggy depths and wonder where the sun has gone.

Grey. the color of ashes, skittering, scrambling across the ground. the color left behind when a passionate blaze has burned itself into oblivion.

Grey is what numb looks like. Grey is when you've been blue for so long you can no longer muster up a speck of color.

February

          Wow. Looking back on this month is something like looking back through an exciting book you've just finished reading, remembering the highs and lows, and realizing that the end feels much bigger than the beginning :) so much has happened this month, and it has been a time of incredible growth for me. I'm so grateful for the many opportunities in my life that have led me through an amazing month! That being said, I'm going to hop into.....

                                                            My February Wrap-Up

                 favourite part: Oh my. I have to say this is a quite difficult decision. So much awesomeness to choose from. But probably my overarching favourite moment, was when I graduated from a class I've been taking. I won't go into detail, but it was a huge milestone in my life, the culminating capstone of a journey of many years. The whole thing has been a quite amazing experience, with some pretty amazing people on the journey with me. I am still incredibly grateful for the influence they have had in my life and the things I've learned along the way.

               reading: Lots of things for school, but beside that I'm currently reading a lovely book, a biography of  Gene Stratton Porter, who is one of my favourite authors. It is a gift from a lovely person which makes it even more special :) and it makes me happy.

                listening to: So much Aurora. I have an obsession. Her voice, personality, passion for life, and simple wisdom is 100% magical. Listen to her music, and your life will be forever changed :)

                learning: Soooo much. It's kind of crazy, actually. But I think probably the most important lesson of this month was that I can simply be myself. I know it's something we hear all the time, "Just be yourself". But I really and truly learned it this month. That it really doesn't matter what people think of me. That if people dismiss me because of who I am, then they aren't worth it. That I should be kind to people, but that it's pretty darn useless to try and make them like me. So I guess you could say I'm learning how to be happy in myself and with myself.

              thinking about: what a beautifully fascinating thing life really is. I mean honestly, there are so many interesting and wonderful things all around us that we simply take for granted. So I suppose I'm thinking about truly enjoying and experiencing life to the fullest. 

              doing: Supreme Court Simulations, public speaking, studying, reading, writing, casting a play....oh, and crying :) the good kind though.

              next month: The rehearsals begin for the very first play I've ever directed in my life! I'm crazy excited, like I get giddy every time I think about it, but at the same time my life is going to get INSANE. And I'm praying hard. 

     P.S. If you read this, thank you so much! It means the world to me that you took the time to do that. I have a goal to one day influence many, many people through my words on the Internet, and just know that by reading this, you have helped me to come closer to accomplishing that.

  Much love,

Soul Growth

 

         Seconds flit by, like hummingbirds in flight.....long gloomy days turn to dark gloomy nights.
         I watch the world in it's still state....and inside soul seeds begin to germinate
         I feel a shift inside my heart, it's a cataclysmic change.....and I somehow feel it's something that the          darkness can't derange.
         This month I've seen the light, and it's showing a new path....the golden flecks of soul-fire have cleansed me in their bath.
          Something is beginning now, with every passing day, I'm feeling changes at my core, I am the potter's clay.
         Questions haunt me, fascinated, I let them twirl me in their grip, what will my future bring? where will I go? is there a place I'm meant to be, and how will I ever know?
          But deep down in me, there is peace, a safety if you will.....because through everything I'm learning I know I am God's child still.
       

Frozen

                I've got a chill under my skin, the ice cold winds retained within,
                When you walk past you do not know, a frigid breeze doth lightly blow,
                 It creeps inside and lightly rests, upon my soul, within my breast,
                 I cannot shake it off you see, despite all the blankets I put over me,
                 and so I curl into a ball, for the cold,
                 makes it hard
                 to feel anything
                 at all.
             


















               

This Month....

  This is a post I will be doing monthly this year to kind of recap how the last month went, and preserve more memories, because life is made up of those, and what's the use of them if we don't remember? Hopefully you enjoy!

                                                               January Wrap-Up
                                     
                  favourite part: I'm not sure if this was my favourite, but probably my biggest accomplishment this month was doing my first Supreme Court Simulation, which I think was a milestone because it helped me to realize that I can do hard things, and be successful at something that previously seemed almost impossible.
                  reading: The Story of My Life by Helen Keller,
                  listening to: Rachel Platten's Wildfire (album), and lots of music by Aurora
                  learning: responsibility and how to stay happy in the midst of crazy
                  thinking about: how far I've come in the past year, and how excited I am for the future
                  doing: lots of homework, babysitting and dishwashing :)
                  next month: I'm gearing up for a whole new crazy awesome month. I'll be doing more hard stuff, the life changing kind, and I couldn't be more excited!